Download Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication, by Oren Jay Sofer
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Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication, by Oren Jay Sofer
Download Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication, by Oren Jay Sofer
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Review
“Unconscious patterns of communication create separation not only in our personal lives, they also perpetuate patterns of misunderstanding and violence that pervade our world. With clarity and great insight, Oren Jay Sofer offers teachings and practices that train us to speak and listen with presence, courage, and an open heart.”—Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge“Oren Jay Sofer offers us a brilliant intertwining of focused presence and artful engagement. Our work, family, and any other relationships will benefit from his guidance.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence and Altered Traits“Full of practical exercises that develop powerful communication and mindfulness skills, this timely and engaging book shows us how caring, curiosity, and connection can transform people’s lives, even in the face of aggression.”—Susan Kaiser Greenland, author of Mindful Games and The Mindful Child“By the time we reach adulthood, most of us have learned to operate through such deeply engrained patterns of language and behavior that virtually all of our communication involves projection, assumption, and bias. No wonder we often feel so cut off and all alone! Mr. Sofer deftly weaves together his mindfulness practice and principles of Nonviolent Communication to help us learn how to find one another again. This is a powerful guidebook to thinking, speaking, and listening with authenticity and care. Bravo!”—Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Happiness and Real Love “This tremendous book addresses one of the biggest challenges in any relationship: how to combine heart with strength, compassion with assertiveness. Written with great warmth and clarity, it brings together well-researched principles, effective tools and suggestions, powerful experiential practices, and many examples. It is down-to-earth and completely accessible while also being so deep, even profound. If I had just one book to recommend about interpersonal communication, it would be this one.”—Rick Hanson, Ph.D., author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness“Oren Jay Sofer’s first book, Say What You Mean, is a helpful guide for speaking wisely and with love. It offers terrific tools and understandings that are critical to the art of communicating clearly and from the heart.”—Jack Kornfield, author of No Time Like the Present and Bringing Home the Dharma “Meeting the enormous challenges of living in these times calls for an integration of inner practices of mindfulness with outer practices of communicating with honesty, vulnerability, strength, care, and empathy. Oren shows us a way to do just that.”—Miki Kashtan, Certified Nonviolent Communication Trainer and author of Spinning Threads of Radical Aliveness “Oren Jay Sofer’s eloquent book Say What You Mean could just as well be titled Living What You Mean. Going beyond the surface level of communication, he describes our relational journey together in its inherent connections with how we behave, how we express, perceive, and meet the needs of ourselves and others, how we engage with difference and even conflict, how we negotiate love and anger—in sum, how to fully live this complex life. Sofer gives essential frameworks, perspectives, and skills for our shared humanity.”—Larry Yang, Buddhist teacher and author of Awakening Together: The Spiritual Practice of Inclusivity and Community “Words have tremendous power—both to harm, and to heal. In Say What You Mean, Oren shares a 3-part process for communicating with mindfulness, clarity, and compassion, and creating more connection and understanding in our relationships. In these times of turbulence and conflict, we need this more than ever before.”—Chris Kresser, M.S., L.Ac , New York Times best-selling author of The Paleo Cure and Unconventional Medicine“Detailed, thorough, and practical, Say What You Mean shines light on the ability of good communication to bring more compassion, kindness, and wisdom to our relationships.”—Foreword Reviews (starred review)“Through discussion and example, and supported by reflections and practices to ground the teaching, [Oren Jay Sofer] helps us explore our own habituated styles of not just communication, but of viewing the world, and how this impacts how we speak to one another, and, importantly, how we listen.”—Mindful Magazine
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About the Author
OREN JAY SOFER leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication around the United States. A member of the Spirit Rock Teacher’s Council, he teaches in the Insight Meditation community, holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University, and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication. Oren creates mindfulness training programs for apps and organizations and lives in Richmond, California. Visit www.orenjaysofer.com for more information.
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Product details
Paperback: 304 pages
Publisher: Shambhala (December 11, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 161180583X
ISBN-13: 978-1611805833
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.8 out of 5 stars
34 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#6,160 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I have read quite a bit about communication and also about mindfulness, so I wasn’t sure if this book had much to offer me. Turns out, I found this to be a valuable read. I found that the way Sofer clearly and expressively brought a number of ideas (mindfulness, Nonviolent Communication, and somatics) together was a joy. I have encountered the vast majority of the ideas before, but I treasure the way that Sofer brought these ideas together (ideas which are clearly related, but often not combined). I think this stands out above and beyond all the other communication books I have read and highly recommend this to anyone. I will be giving this out as a gift this year.The basic premise is that you have to be open to yourself and to others in order to be able to communicate in the truest and most connected way. This is a practical book and a deeply moving book at the same time, and, indeed, that is rather the point. Safer explains how the way we communicate affects our relationships, including our relationship with ourselves. Running on autopilot is not the best way to relate. We need to understand where we are coming from and where the other person is coming from. Using observations, emotions, needs and requests, we can focus on what is important.Since, at least at the time I am writing this, there is no “look inside†feature, here are the contents:PART 1: The First Step: Lead With Presence1: the center of our lives2: the power of mindfulness3: relational awarenessPART 2: The Second Step: Come From Curiosity and Care4: the blame game5: where are you coming from?6: don’t let the call dropPART 3: The Third Step: Focus On What Matters7: getting down to what matters8: emotional agility9: enhancing empathy and inner resilience10: how to raise an issue without starting a fight11: if you want something, ask for itPART 4: Bringing It All Together12: the flow of dialogue13: running the rapids14: conclusion: charting your courseHighly recommended! This book has the potential to bring much good to your life, IMHO.But that's JustMe
I am a veteran educator and rely on my communication skills to work with students, families and administrators. Delivering messages so they can be heard, and listening to others so they can feel seen and heard is a huge part of my professional existence.If you are interested in deepening your communication and apply mindfulness, self awareness (cognitive, affective and somatic) and concepts from Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication, this book is highly recommended.This is a VERY well written book by Oren Jay Sofer. The concepts (Oren refers to them as principles) and teachings are well structured and organized so that you are able to process the concepts multiple times during the book to really grasp and let them sink in. Oren shares contemplative practices that support the communication principles and at the end of the chapters, recaps with bullet points and with mini Q and A’s, further exploring the “what ifs†when applying the practice/principles. The list of Roadblocks to Communication was enlightening as there were some in there that didn’t appear as roadblocks, but looking deeply can get in the way of connecting with others.There is much wisdom and heart in the principles. His “pairing†of Practices (mindfulness related to help build presence, relational awareness, curiosity and care) to apply the principles in communication with others were helpful when I first started. It gave me a felt experience of what my body and mind needed to be when trying out the principles with others.I also enjoyed his direct and accessible style of writing about the concepts/principles, real life anecdotes (relatable, makes all of us Human!) and the meditation practices (guided online) that come with the book.A great book to read with a partner to embark on a journey to strengthen communication, for book clubs or summer reading for those who work closely with people and want to deepen connection with others through empathy and curiosity.âï¸âï¸âï¸âï¸âï¸
I'm a therapist who works with families and communication is literally my bread and butter. That being said I've read no other book that has broke down how to improve my own communication and explained how effective and heart centered communication works as well as this book has. It has concrete practices that I did with my girlfriend over the phone and in person. It helped our own communication get better and really opened up space for us to dive into the deep stuff. The book breaks down in a step by step fashion how to slowly engage in learning and practicing communication better. It opened my heart to really seeing how communication was developed for me at a young age and how I still carry old patterns of communication that were no longer needed. And through practicing some concrete practices I've noticed a huge difference in only a few weeks. If you're looking for a book around improving your own communication in an easy to read yet deeply insightful book, you've found it.
Oren is a good teacher but I think the book has an obsessive quality, he goes on and on. It is useful and many will benefit but after a while I didn't have the patience to read it. Others will probably appreciate all the detail about. I think the part on somatic experiencing is weak and Marshall Rosenberg's treatment is a better source for NVC
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